Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership You can take all the supplements, do all the cold plunges, and chase all the longevity hacks you want — but the single biggest move you can make for your physical AND mental health is the quality of your relationships. The data on this is wild, and most of us are leaving it on the table. Dr. Amir Levine is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and the co-author of the runaway bestseller Attached, which introduced millions of people to attachment theory. His new book, Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life, lays out a practical method — Secure Priming Therapy — for actually upgrading your attachment style, no matter where you're starting. In this episode: – A clean primer on attachment theory (anxious, secure, avoidant, fearful avoidant — and why your style is NOT fixed) – The Cyber Ball experiment — and why your brain literally hates being left out, even by people you despise – CARP: the five-letter acronym Amir thinks should run your whole social life – Why texting back fast isn't a moral imperative (and where Adam Grant fits in) – SIMIs — the seemingly insignificant minor interactions that quietly rewire your brain – The "Appendix Rule" for anxious attachers (when to let a relationship go — and when cutting someone out backfires) – Two rules for arguments that actually work (hint: it's not about who's right) – Why both people can be right at the same time – The hidden upside of every attachment style, including yours – What pets can teach you about being more secure with humans Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ 0:00:00 Why attachment style matters more than you think 0:04:00 John Bowlby and the basics of attachment theory 0:08:00 The 4 styles: anxious, secure, avoidant, fearful avoidant 0:14:00 The Cyber Ball effect — why your brain hates being ignored 0:16:00 Even when the KKK ignores you, your brain still cares 0:20:00 The 5 pillars: CARP (Consistent, Available, Responsive, Reliable, Predictable) 0:23:00 "Wall tennis with love" — for the friends who flake 0:26:00 Adam Grant vs. Amir on responding to emails fast 0:32:00 The hidden upsides of every attachment style 0:39:00 SIMIs — the small interactions that change your brain 0:46:00 The Appendix Rule for anxious attachers 0:51:00 Two rules for arguments that actually work 0:54:00 Why both people can be right at the same time 0:57:00 Dan's parents' little finger-flipping love language 1:02:00 Anxious attachment as a superpower (when channeled right) #10PercentHappier #AmirLevine #attachmenttheory This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over six million people globally. Therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US. Sign up and get 10% off at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier. This episode is brought to you by Wix. Wix Harmony is Wix's flagship AI website builder — just describe your idea and get a fully functional site built for you, with built-in solutions for e-commerce, restaurants, services, and more. Every site is backed by 99.99% uptime and enterprise-grade security. Get started at https://www.wix.com/harmony. This episode is brought to you by IQBAR, our exclusive snack, hydration, and coffee sponsor. IQBAR protein bars, IQMIX hydration mixes, and IQJO mushroom coffees are clean-label certified and free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs, and artificial ingredients. Text DAN to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. Message and data rates may apply. This episode is brought to you by Warby Parker. Warby Parker makes prescription glasses easy and stylish — shop online with their virtual try-on, or visit a store for an eye exam in a clean, modern space. They're covered by many major eye insurance plans, with benefits applied automatically. Buy one pair and get 20% off any additional pairs at https://www.warbyparker.com/happier.