This is episode 3 of a 4-part special series on mental health with Dr. Paul Conti, M.D., a psychiatrist who did his medical training at Stanford School of Medicine and residency at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of the book, “Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic.” Dr. Conti explains how to find, develop and strengthen healthy relationships — including romantic relationships, work and colleague relationships, and friendships. He explains a roadmap of the conscious and unconscious mind that can allow anyone to navigate conflicts better and set healthy boundaries in relationships. We also discuss common features of unhealthy relationships and clinically supported tools for dealing with relationship insecurity, excessive anxiety, past traumas, manipulation and abuse. Dr. Conti explains how, in healthy relationships, there emerges a dynamic of the mutually generative “us” and how to continually improve that dynamic. The next episode in this special series explores true self-care, which can be cultivated through a process of building self-awareness along with other important practices. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/huberman Waking Up: https://wakingup.com/huberman Eight Sleep: https://eightsleep.com/huberman https://www.livemomentous.com/huberman Social & Website Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab Threads: https://www.threads.net/@hubermanlab Twitter: https://twitter.com/hubermanlab Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hubermanlab TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hubermanlab LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-huberman Website: https://hubermanlab.com Newsletter: https://hubermanlab.com/neural-network Dr. Paul Conti Website: https://drpaulconti.com Pacific Premier Group: https://pacificpremiergroup.com Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It: https://amzlink.to/az01KBLaUX3m6 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-paul-m-conti-845074216 Resources Guest Series | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health (Episode 1): https://hubermanlab.com/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-understand-and-assess-your-mental-health Guest Series | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Improve Your Mental Health (Episode 2): https://hubermanlab.com/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-improve-your-mental-health The Iceberg Model: https://hubermanlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/The-Iceberg-Model.pdf Pillars of Mental Health: https://hubermanlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Pillars-of-Mental-Health.pdf Timestamps 00:00:00 Build Healthy Relationships 00:02:04 Sponsors: BetterHelp & Waking Up 00:05:01 Healthiest Self in Relationships 00:10:51 Structure & Function of Self 00:15:44 Relationships, Levels of Emergence 00:22:48 Generative Drive in Relationships 00:35:00 Sponsor: AG1 00:36:26 Generative Drive, Aggressive Drive, Pleasure Drive 00:45:16 Romantic Relationships & Matched Generative Drives, Trauma Bonds 00:53:05 Generative Drive Expression, Libido, Giving & Taking 01:04:29 Sponsor: Eight Sleep 01:05:50 Generative Drive in Partnerships 01:11:16 Libido, Avoidance & Working through Barriers 01:18:02 Repeating Bad Relationship Patterns, Repetition Compulsion 01:29:23 Narcissism, Dependence, Attachment Insecurity 01:34:10 Abusive Relationships, Demoralization 01:39:37 Oppressors, Darkness, Hope & Change 01:48:08 Work Relationships, Oppression & Accountability 01:53:53 Jealousy vs. Envy, Narcissism 01:59:13 Power Dynamics in Relationships 02:05:54 Giving vs. Taking in Relationships 02:09:39 Transactions & Relationships; Family & Generative Drive; Flexibility 02:19:47 Relationships & Kindergarten 02:23:04 Anxiety in Relationships, Communication 02:31:32 The “Magic Bridge of the Us” 02:37:09 Mentalization, Getting into Another’s Mindset; Navigating Conflict 02:46:51 Healthy Boundaries 02:52:08 Self-Awareness, Mentalization 02:55:28 “Broken Compass” & Self Inquiry, “Map” Analogy 03:02:25 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube Feedback, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Social Media, Momentous, Neural Network Newsletter Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com The Huberman Lab podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user’s own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.