Today we welcome to the podcast Keira Shae, who joins us to share her story of converting to the LDS Church as a teenager while growing up in an abusive home. Living in Utah, Keira was surrounded by Mormons and idealized them as a contrast to her tumultuous home life. Around the age of fifteen, she went to live with a foster family who required her to follow church guidelines very rigidly. At the time, however, this structured lifestyle was a welcome change from her chaotic upbringing. After marrying and starting a family with a return missionary, Keira did her best to live up to the expectations of being the “perfect” Mormon wife and mother. Over time, though, she found herself struggling with perfectionism, scrupulosity, and the process of discovering her bisexuality. Join us to hear how Keira confronted these challenges and where she stands with the Mormon Church today. You can purchase Keira's memoir, "How the Light Gets In" here: https://a.co/d/7etc45b Show notes can be found on the Mormon Stories blog here: https://www.mormonstories.org/the-mormon-church-saved-my-life/ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:09 Keira’s Intention 00:01:55 Keira’s Mormon Story begins 00:04:40 Didn’t fit in in Utah; has always struggled with “belonging” 00:06:18 Meth was very prevalent in Utah at this time, her mother became a user 00:11:14 Her mom’s boyfriend’s son sexually abused her and her siblings 00:13:13 Her mother felt very judged by Mormons, but Keira saw them as happy 00:16:05 Keira started attending LDS church 00:17:09 What spaces did she feel safe in at this time? 00:22:29 Margi noting her sense of “yearning” as a girl 00:23:23 How she ended up in the foster care system 00:26:04 Got baptized around the age of 9 00:27:54 Her mom did not approve of her joining the LDS church 00:30:34 Decided to enter foster care to live with an LDS family 00:32:26 Felt that god did not answer prayers - hers were never answered 00:41:05 Going to therapy as a foster child 00:45:27 It was expected to attend church and be temple worthy in her foster family 00:58:36 She invited her dad to her high school graduation 01:02:13 Attending Utah Valley University and met a return missionary there 01:03:02 Realized she was bisexual as a kid 01:06:35 Started attending the singles ward and got married very quickly 01:13:03 Dating her husband 01:24:43 How was she experiencing her young married life? 01:39:11 Completely burnt herself out trying to give her kids “heaven on earth” 01:40:38 Felt that she bothered people at church by being genuinely herself 01:42:37 Saw herself as the ideal convert 01:44:07 Experiencing scrupulosity 01:53:13 Would research and read a lot of Mormon scholarship 01:54:08 Not anti-Mormon 01:55:10 Why did her Mormon dream fall apart? 01:56:44 Got her bachelors degree - first in her family 02:08:35 Praying to god and not receiving an answer 02:13:25 “There was so much promise in believing in God … what if it wasn’t true?” 02:14:03 Telling her husband she wasn’t sure about God anymore 02:20:59 Questioning if she was agnostic or atheist now 02:25:58 Realizing she wanted a divorce 02:28:54 Wrote and published her book 02:29:27 Trying alcohol and coffee/tea for the first time 02:31:23 Told her husband she wanted a divorce 03:00:26 Is she is grateful to the church? 03:03:31 Where to find Keira’s books 03:05:47 Conclusion ___________________ At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals. Our overall mission is to: 1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology 2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis 3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions 🤝Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today One-time or recurring donations: https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories?default_interval=m Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/mormonstories Paypal: https://paypal.me/mormonstories Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx6OgmoqJbOVRq-Lv1P7SzA/join Our Platforms: 🌐Mormon Stories Blog: https://www.mormonstories.org/episodes 🎙️Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories ✳️Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4sDzk7dRjODTSEqzZKZJzk?si=148b0efc1ccc4404&nd=1 🍎Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772 🖼️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mormstories 📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mormonstoriespodcast 🎮Discord: https://discord.com/invite/kuX5p6yyjF Contact us: 📧 MormonStories@gmail.com 📬PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117