Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership Most of us walk around with roughly the same emotional skill set we had at age five — and then wonder why our relationships, our work, and our sleep keep getting clobbered by feelings we can't seem to manage. The good news: emotion regulation is a skill, and there's a real playbook. Emma Seppälä is a Yale lecturer, science director at Stanford's Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, and the author of "Sovereign." Ethan Kross is a University of Michigan psychologist who runs the Emotion & Self-Control Lab and wrote "Chatter" and "Shift." Together they walk Dan through ten neuroscience-backed strategies for actually getting your emotional life under control. In this episode we talk about: – Why anxiety is a feature, not a bug (and how Ethan calls his "dopey") – The science of self-compassion and why the inner drill sergeant is making things worse – Why suppressing your feelings actually amplifies them — and the horse study that proves it – The breathing exercise that saved a Marine's life after an IED blast – "Mental time travel" — the tiny perspective shift that helps you sit with hard emotions – How to use music, scent, and the rest of your senses as emotional levers – The 60,000 gigabytes of input you're absorbing daily — and how to take back the wheel – Why strategic avoidance isn't a weakness – The "emotional advisor audit" — and how to know who NOT to call when you're spiraling Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ 0:00:00 What emotions actually are (and why even the "bad" ones are useful) 0:05:00 Tip #2: Self-compassion and the inner drill sergeant 0:11:00 The "generic you" and why we all do it automatically 0:14:00 Tip #3: Stop chronically suppressing 0:18:00 The horse study — why inauthenticity reads as threat 0:24:00 Tip #4: Feel the thing — and how to actually do it 0:29:00 Tip #5: Mental time travel and reappraisal 0:33:00 Tip #6: The breathing exercise that saved a Marine 0:40:00 Tip #7: Your senses as emotion regulators 0:48:00 Tip #8: Tend your inputs — the 60,000-gigabyte problem 0:54:00 Dan and Ethan on the apps they deleted (and the ones they kept) 1:00:00 Tip #9: Why strategic avoidance can be smart 1:05:00 Tip #10: Lean on your relationships 1:09:00 The emotional advisor audit — and the red Sharpie 1:14:00 What to actually say when someone you love is grieving #10PercentHappier #EmotionRegulation #neuroscience Sponsors: BetterHelp: May is Mental Health Awareness Month — a reminder that whatever you're dealing with, you don't have to deal with it alone. Sign up and get 10% off at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier ButcherBox: Premium, responsibly sourced meat delivered to your door. New listeners get their choice of free sirloin tips, ground beef, or chicken wings in every box for life, plus $20 off your first box at https://www.butcherbox.com/happier Spark Energy+Focus: Zero grams of sugar, plus essential vitamins and amino acids for sustained energy and focus without the jitters. Get 30% off and free shipping with code HAPPIER at https://www.drinkspark.com