Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership Why do you click with some people and not others? Why do certain people drain you while others leave you energized? And what can you actually do about it? The answer to all of these questions has to do with a concept called interpersonal synchrony — the scientifically documented tendency of human beings to mirror each other's brainwaves, heart rates, hormones, and more. Kate Murphy is a journalist and the author of Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony and You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters. In this conversation, Kate and Dan cover: - What interpersonal synchrony actually is — and why it's as fundamental to your wellbeing as eating and drinking - How much you can actually change your vibe — and where you do and don't have agency - The "bad apple effect" and emotional fusion — how you absorb other people's bad energy without realizing it, and how to stop - How to return borrowed emotions: a technique for separating what's yours from what you've picked up from someone else - Energy hygiene — not just protecting yourself from others' bad vibes, but being mindful of what you're transmitting - Why Zoom makes synchrony harder — and why audio-only calls produce more genuine connection - Proxemics: how physical distance acts as a volume control on your ability to sync with another person - How to read a room like a trial lawyer — the concept of emotional aperture and how to develop it - The role of interoception in connecting with others — why you can't tune into another person if you're not tuned into yourself - Why synchronized activities (walking meetings, shared meals, group exercise) build cohesion and rapport in ways that trust falls never could - The overlap between synchrony and synchronicity — and why Kate hesitates to say it's all just coincidence Note: This episode is audio-only — Dan and Kate recorded without video specifically to test the synchrony principle in practice. Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ Timestamps: 0:00:00 Introduction: why you click with some people and not others 0:05:00 What interpersonal synchrony actually is — and why it matters 0:10:00 How much you can change your vibe — and where you have agency 0:15:00 The role of attention in syncing — and the neuroscience of listening 0:21:00 Developing interoception: the key to reading other people 0:27:00 How to stop absorbing other people's bad energy: the bad apple effect 0:31:00 Emotional fusion and the mute button technique 0:35:00 Energy hygiene, the 45-minute meeting hack, and resetting between interactions 0:41:00 How to audit your relationships: do you feel better or worse after? 0:45:00 Scent, pheromones, and the limits of online dating 0:48:00 Zoom vs. audio-only: why phone calls produce more genuine connection 0:52:00 Proxemics: how physical distance controls the volume of synchrony 0:56:00 Reading the room: emotional aperture and expressive storytelling 1:01:00 Synchrony vs. synchronicity: Jung, quantum entanglement, and what we don't know 1:05:00 Synchronized activities and how to build team cohesion without trust falls #psychology #relationships #mindfulness This episode is sponsored by: Spark — Clean energy and focus with zero sugar. Get 30% off and free shipping with code HAPPIER at https://www.drinkspark.com BetterHelp — Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier