As the first to be “born in the covenant” to convert parents, Rian Anderson's world revolved around the Church, until her mission became a crucible of mental anguish and familial tension. Expecting her experience to be one based on love and service, Rian was instead met with strict rules, surveillance, and spiritual turmoil as she continually felt forced to act against her own conscience & integrity. Through it all, Rian found support through weekly calls with her family, which she cherished. That is, until her family’s mounting concern for Rian’s welfare coincided with their loss of faith in the church. The oppressive atmosphere coupled with isolation due to the initial rise of COVID began to take its toll on her mental and physical health, neither of which were adequately addressed. Amid despair over her family's disaffection from Church, Rian experienced a burst ovarian cyst, an incredibly painful condition that can have severe complications. Instead of being advised to go to the hospital, she was made to wait it out instead, and as she began to battle depression and suicidal thoughts, her mission leaders' response was shocking: accusations of pride and instructions to cut ties with her doubting family. Certain that their concern for Rian’s spiritual well-being was superior to the love her “fallen” family had to offer back home, her Mission President and his wife insert themselves as surrogate parents for the remainder of her mission and beyond. Despite this initial interference, Rian finds herself facing her own faith crisis. As she considers what the actions of her “mission parents” truly cost her, Rian discovers for herself the real meaning of family, and her family had it all along. Show Notes: https://www.mormonstories.org/mormon-mission-ptsd/ Chapters 00:00:00 Intentions for being on Mormon Stories 00:09:40 What was the church’s role in her life? 00:29:07 Attending BYU-Idaho 00:39:20 She had never wanted to serve a mission, no one in her family had served a mission 00:45:03 Getting her mission call 00:50:06 Her temple experience 00:59:25 Writing down her in journal that she was having a faith crisis 01:01:50 Leaving on her mission 01:13:15 Getting to the mission field 01:21:00 On preparation day she would break 01:37:15 Experiencing Covid on her mission 01:46:08 Mission Leadership Council 01:54:15 Culture of spying and fear 01:56:25 My Plan as you’re about to return home 01:58:56 Many missionaries got sent home after the mission wide audit 02:07:15 Telling her mission president about having depression 02:19:20 Her mom called and told her she was struggling with the church 02:35:50 Learning about abuse on her mission (becoming a Sister Training Leader) 02:43:00 She got a concussion 02:49:40 Feeling abandoned and feeling suicidal ideation - It felt like abandonment 03:09:00 Returning from her mission 03:11:55 Realizing they weren’t part of the church anymore 03:22:15 What was this Hawaii time like for her? 03:36:00 What would she say to someone contemplating serving a mission? 03:39:00 What would she recommend learning about? 03:44:30 What advice would she give to parents who lose their faith while their kid is on a mission? 03:52:50 What are her beliefs now? ___________________ At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals. Our overall mission is to: 1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology 2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis 3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions 🤝Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today One-time or recurring donations: https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories?default_interval=m Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/mormonstories Paypal: https://paypal.me/mormonstories Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx6OgmoqJbOVRq-Lv1P7SzA/join Our Platforms: 🌐Mormon Stories Blog: https://www.mormonstories.org/episodes 🎙️Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories ✳️Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4sDzk7dRjODTSEqzZKZJzk?si=148b0efc1ccc4404&nd=1 🍎Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772 🖼️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mormstories 📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mormonstoriespodcast 🎮Discord: https://discord.com/invite/kuX5p6yyjF Contact us: 📧 MormonStories@gmail.com 📬PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117