Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership --- You're probably holding back more than you think — and it's quietly making your relationships shallower, your stress higher, and your life smaller. Harvard Business School professor Leslie John has spent decades studying self-disclosure, and her conclusion is counterintuitive: the problem isn't that we share too much. It's that we share too little. Leslie John is a professor at Harvard Business School and the author of *Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing*. Her research on trust, disclosure, and negotiation has been published in leading academic journals and applied in executive education worldwide. In this conversation, Leslie John shares: - Why we consistently overestimate the risks of revealing — and underestimate the costs of staying quiet - What brain scans show happens when we self-disclose (it activates the same pleasure centers as sex) - How to go one layer deeper than small talk to build real connection - The Ben Franklin upgrade: a four-quadrant framework for making better disclosure decisions - Why the "TMI line" is further than you think — and where it actually is - How to say "I feel" and "I need" in a way that actually works in relationships Leslie also shares the 10-year secret she kept from her own mother — one she only confronted while writing a book about the power of disclosure. --- Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ --- Timestamps: 0:00:00 Introduction 0:01:00 How Leslie got into studying self-disclosure 0:03:00 The STD study: why we trust revealers over hiders 0:06:00 What brain scans reveal about self-disclosure 0:08:00 Why boys learn to suppress emotions — and the physiological cost 0:12:00 The real problem isn't TMI, it's TLI 0:15:00 The hidden costs of keeping secrets 0:17:00 Why putting feelings into words changes your brain 0:23:00 The disclosure decisions you're making without realizing it 0:30:00 How to go one layer deeper than small talk 0:34:00 Catalyst confessions and the Magic Johnson example 0:51:00 The Ben Franklin upgrade: a 4-quadrant disclosure decision tool 1:00:00 How to give hard feedback (and whether the sandwich actually works) 1:04:00 The emotions wheel and why "I feel" is harder than it sounds 1:07:00 Why "I need" matters as much as "I feel" 1:11:00 Saying "I love you" first — and the top deathbed regret --- #psychology #relationships #mentalhealth --- LinkedIn |  Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to http://linkedin.com/happier Fast Growing Trees | Get 20% off your first purchase at http://fastgrowingtrees.com, using the code HAPPIER at checkout. Monarch | Start your free trial and get 50% off your first year of total money clarity using our link: http://www.monarch.com/happier or code HAPPIER. Fabric by Gerber Life | Apply today in just minutes at http://www.meetfabric.com/happier