Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership If you think of "negotiation" as a boardroom-only activity, our guest wants you to reconsider. You're negotiating with your kids about screen time, with your partner about vacation, with your boss about a raise, with the person at customer service about the fee. It's a skill, not a personality trait — which means it's trainable, and small improvements pay off compounding interest. John Richardson has taught negotiation at Harvard Law School and MIT's Sloan School of Management. His new book, Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want, co-written with his MIT colleague Atia Qureshi, breaks the skill down into practical, drillable micro-moves you can start using this week. In this episode: – What negotiation actually is (and how often you're doing it — spoiler: constantly) – Why negotiation is a "performance skill" like driving or a musical instrument — not just knowledge – Manipulation vs. influence — and why John says even manipulation can be a good thing when it's transparent – Is it ever okay to lie? Even the FBI barely does — and here's when – "Give them a sandwich" — the FBI hostage-negotiation move that scales to any relationship – Bob Cialdini's principle of reciprocity and why we're all bad at "accounting insensitivity" – The lemonade-and-easement story (and what John's wife did with the dishwasher) – How to manage your emotions in a high-stakes negotiation – Dan's story of literally shaking for hours after a bad Zoom – Emotion labeling — the FBI trick that talked a Marine sergeant off the edge – Why anger drops your IQ ~20 points (and how to spark the smart part of your brain back on) – The single most underused word in negotiation: someone's name – Value creation vs. distribution — why you should always do the first one first – Who should go first? Kahneman, Tversky, and the anchoring effect – Knowing your alternatives — with the Iran negotiations as a cautionary example – The importance of "no" — and how to say it so people leave you alone (or come back with a better offer) – Why women often negotiate better on someone else's behalf than for themselves Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ 0:00:00 What negotiation actually is (and how often you're doing it) 0:04:00 Why negotiation is a performance skill, not just knowledge 0:06:00 Manipulation vs. influence — the healthy kind of both 0:08:00 Is it ever okay to lie? (Even the FBI barely does) 0:12:00 "Give them a sandwich" — the FBI hostage move you can use anywhere 0:19:00 The lemonade-and-easement story 0:20:00 John's wife and the dishwasher-and-garbage technique 0:23:00 How to manage your emotions in a heated negotiation 0:28:00 Emotion labeling — "sounds like you're really angry" 0:33:00 The power of using someone's name 0:35:00 Know exactly what you want before you sit down 0:43:00 Who should go first — Kahneman, Tversky, and the anchoring effect 0:46:00 Knowing your alternatives (using the Iran negotiations as example) 0:49:00 The importance of no — and how to actually say it 0:57:00 Why women often negotiate better on someone else's behalf #10PercentHappier #Negotiation #NeverSettle This episode is brought to you by IQBAR, our exclusive snack sponsor. IQBARs are clean plant protein bars packed with fiber and brain-boosting nutrients, with zero added sugar. The number one ingredient is almonds. Text DAN to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus free shipping. Message and data rates may apply. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. The Cash App Card is available to teens 13 to 17 with sponsorship by an eligible parent or guardian, and every transaction triggers a real-time notification so you can track their spending. New Cash App customers can earn $10 by adding the code FAMILY10 to their profile at sign-up and sending $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC.